the good and the bad... in the life of a midwife

I've come to find that in my desire to work among women, and be a midwife, its a lifestyle. A lifestyle that is so diffrent, it stands alone in so many areas.



To serve women as a midwife is so amazing, yet its not easy. Its can be wonderful, a miracle, and the next moment it can shatter, the hope of life gone.

Yesterday on shift within a half hour I saw how sudden life change, how fast it can change. Sadly we lost a baby yesterday. The mother had lost her last two babies at about 20 weeks, and this was her first baby that she carried to term... we were transporting anyways due to lack of progress, however just as final vital were being done before transport, the heart tones disappeared. The baby was gone... a baby girl... stillborn via c-section at the local hospital.

This morning I had clinic and did prenatals... Interview Monday... 'welcome to mmc' ... yet we sent at least three patients to get ultrasounds, and or to the doctor... because of no heart tones, no movement or signs of miscarriage...

In the midst of a crazy week, I wasn't sure how to deal with another event like this, yet God is faithful. Yesterday After shift I spent the afternoon finishing up my assignment to keep my mind busy, for I didn't want to deal with the last couple events.

It had been three weeks since I was last at the church. With night/ day shifts on sat/sun I wasn't able to make it to any of the services. I was looking forward to it all week. Yet after day shift I wasn't so sure. However God is the one who restores... the message was on being a leader... being a servent.... on how God is Good and He is faithful...

How is God good... How is he faithful..... premature delivery ....a mother carries a baby to term, only to lose the baby in labor... having prenatal patient come in to find no heart tones... to see young teens 13/14 pregnant... rape...incest... the list could go on...

To sit upon my knees and lay my life before my King... Its all I could do... to cry and sit and wait upon the Lord... To be in his presence, to sing his praises... in midst of the trials in the midst of hardship. To seek is understanding and wisdom...

I've learned so much, seen so much, I'm learning to live in his presense, to give my heart daily to Jesus. I am weak, but He is Strong..... I can't do it alone...I've cried... I've thought of giving up... A few nights ago I couldn't see myself going though another hardship, yet Jesus took my hand... Don't be afraid... I am here... I am with you... serve these women my child... let me live in you dear Heidi...

In Him I walk, In Him...do I live. I've learned to seek the Lord, to keep my eyes focused on Jesus... He is good, He is the one who provides... He is the one who gives strength... He is our hope. He is our God!